◢ La Sonate de Mort [Closed]
Nicki listened in silence, bloody tears still streaming down his face, now staining his shirt where they fell. He could scarcely remember exactly what he had said back then, but he knew the things Lestat referred to.
"I didn’t mean any of it." he whispered. "You saw how I was then. I was in pain. You hurt me and all I wanted was for you to know how that felt in return. I didn’t know what else to do. I couldn’t make you understand any other way, especially after what happened to me in the catacombs. I felt like an animal, chained in darkness and I couldn’t do anything except lash out."
He stared at the floor, trying to form coherent explanation for what exactly had gone on in his head during that time, but even he knew that his mind was utterly broken then. Lestat was right. He wasn’t himself then, and he hadn’t been for a very long time after. Even now, he struggled and sometimes lost himself again, though he had thankfully had Eleni to take care of him through it over the centuries.
Glancing at the violin case that lay nearby, he frowned and started to weep again, the sight of the thing causing him as much discomfort as being touched. That Lestat had brought it to him made Nicolas assume Lestat was as unaware of Armands cruel lies and manipulation as he’d been of Nicki’s continued existence after the fire.
"Burn that thing." he muttered. "I can’t bear to have it near me."
Nicki only knew of the letter and the violin being sent to Lestat after Eleni had received a confusing reply from the blond thanking her for it while Nicki lay in prolonged unconsciousness, recovering from the horrific injuries he’d sustained in the fire. To protect Nicolas and give him the chance to start over with a clean slate, she had not corrected Lestat and told him that the letter he’d been sent was a forgery.
"I knew you weren’t yourself, Nicki. I knew that the moment I saw the look in your eyes," he said quietly. Gaze focused on his former lover and friend. "However, I also did not know if the Nicki I knew, the Nicki I had fallen so deeply in love with would ever return, even if it was just a part of him….of you. I deserved the lash out, yes, I agree now. I deserve everything that has happened to me." Especially the isolation he was now forced to be in. "You certainly caused me a great deal of pain, and I do not believe I have ever gotten over that or you. " He did not think that he ever would.
Lestat let silence take over for a few moments, allowing each of them to get their emotions back in check. Nicolas was right in many ways. Lestat probably would not have understood any other way back then, but that was not to say he did not understand now, or at least want to understand. He was pulled from his thoughts when he heard Nicki weeping again. The words he spoke next made him frown, but then he nodded. “You will not see it again, Nicki.” That did not mean he would burn it. He intended to keep it, as it was memories of a much happier time for Lestat at least. Nicki would not know where it was hidden.
"I take it that, because Eleni wrote that letter. That it was she who took care of you after the fire and for many years, non? It seems I owe her much more than I realized." He seemed to smile, stepping closer to Nicki. The blonde scooped up the violin case and bundled it in his coat. Now Nicki did not have to see the case, at the very least. "Come, Nicki, sit with me at my hotel room for the rest of the night. We can talk, and you can tell me about everywhere you have been in the last couple centuries…" He trailed off, smiling genuinely.
"And if it is what you want…once it gets close to dawn, we can go our separate ways, and you will never see me again." Lestat did not create the illusion of some unrealistic reunion between them. He no longer lived on Easy Street.